"Not in Colne - try Burnley"

This weekend I made my, now annual, spiritual pilgrimage to what many people regard as the crucible of Liberal Democracy - Colne in Lancashire. It is, of course, covered by Pendle Borough Council, and the home town of that giant of the LibDems, (Lord) Tony Greaves.

Once again, we stayed in splendour at the Crown Hotel, Albert Road, Colne. It is an absolute marvel of a hotel, with a wonderful bar. I see that it is recommended by East Lancashire CAMRA and, indeed, I enjoyed some fine cask Mild and cask Tetley Bitter there.

I was with my father-in-law, who is 83 years old, making a family visit. He has a rather mischievous way with him. While we enjoyed a gargantuan meal of Lamb Shoulder in the busy Crown lounge bar last night, he noticed a sign announcing the "Entertainment" for the night - a lady by the name of Pauline. He asked at the bar, with a twinkle in his eye, "is this young lady, Pauline, a lap dancer?". Unfazed, the barman said: "Why don't you ask her, she's just walked in".

Unabashed, my father-in-law walked up to the lady and said: "Are you a lap dancer?" (Somehow he can get away with this sort of thing at 83!)

The lady replied:

"No chuck, I'm just a singer - you have to go to Burnley for that sort of thing."